“Can you have the project completed by this (unreasonable) date?”

“Sure”, I reply knowing full well that completing this project by the date he is requesting would tax my team and cause havoc in my business. 

Have you ever said “Yes” but you really wanted to say NO? 

You might suffer from the Disease to Please aka People Pleasing. No need to fret. Let’s break it down and see how people-pleasing could be affecting your sales and your wellness. 

What is the definition of people-pleasing? 

According to the Cambridge dictionary, people-pleasing is “someone who cares a lot about whether other people like him or her, and always wants others to approve of his or her action.”

How does people–pleasing show up in a sales call?

7 Ways People Pleasing Is Showing Up In Your Sales Calls

#1 – Agreeing with clients when deep down you don’t agree with them 

It could be as simple as agreeing about the weather when you don’t agree. I’ve seen people agree with a client in a sales call that led to them agreeing to complete a service that they don’t even offer to please a demanding client. Or agreeing to timelines, political views, viewpoints on core values, or the color of the sky! The strong desire to be liked at any cost shows up in bizarre but predictable ways in a sales call.

#2 – Desire for the prospect to like you

Right before the sales call, it’s that Inner Critic voice that says, “I really hope they like you. If they don’t like you, then we won’t close this deal. Don’t screw this up. You probably will anyway. Do whatever they say, ok?” The Inner Critic comes from a place of fear. Fear of the unknown and plays into your insecurities. Fun, right? The desire to be the “Good Girl” rears its ugly head here too. That’s an entirely separate article…

#3 – You apologize or accept fault when you’re not to blame

Does “I’m sorry” or “That’s my fault” come out of your mouth throughout your sales call. The constant apologizing for things you didn’t even do or shouldn’t apologize is rampant with people pleaser. I know a people pleaser in a call when they apologize when my internet connection is not working well but they start apologizing for it. Stop apologizing. You give away your power so someone who doesn’t deserve it.

#4 – You Struggle With Being Authentic

It might be harder to recognize how you really feel. You are trying so hard to control the feelings of someone else (BTW – who you are not responsible for other people’s feelings) and in the mix, you get lost in how YOU feel. You don’t know how to feel. The thought could be, “I want them to be happy so how should I feel to make them happy?” First, you are not responsible for anyone else’s feelings except your own. Let that sink in for a moment. When you try to control others, then you give away your power to truly connect to yourself. And it’s EXHAUSTING. Being a people pleaser can be a full-time (and thankless) job.

I’ve had clients share with me that they didn’t know how to act in a sales call with multiple people and different personalities. She said, “Who am I suppose to be?” I’d start with being yourself. Does a rose change how it looks every time a different person walks past them? The answer is no. Being you is the answer. Please note: It’s great to bring out different sides of your glowing personality when you meet different personalities. But people-pleasers often sabotage their goal to make people like them in these situations. Studies show that people-pleasers engage in self-destructive behavior if they think it will help others feel more comfortable in social situations. For example, a people pleaser might laugh when other people laugh in a group even when they don’t like the joke or it’s offensive to them.

#5 – You Will Go To Great Lengths to Avoid Conflict

A great example of this in the sales process is how you deliver your price. Do you share your price in person, phone, zoom via email? If you avoid conflict like the plague (and conversations about money), then you are more likely to email your proposal. Money could feel like a place of conflict and if you are a professional people pleaser, then talking about money is not gonna happen. 

I’ve seen people drive across town to avoid non-ideal prospects. The idea of saying “no” to a prospect because they didn’t want to work with them was daunting and uncomfortable so they ghosted them instead. Have you ever avoided a person because you had to give them bad news? 

#6 – You Need Praise To Feel Good

It lights you up when you receive external praise, “We would love to work with you”. “You’re hired”. “You are amazing”. Accepting praise feels good and is healthy but when it turns into an obsession and desire so strong that you will do anything to get it, then that’s a problem. People pleasers DEPEND on external validation. If your self-worth rests entirely on what others think about you, then you’ll only feel good when others shower you with compliments. Again…exhausting.

#7 – You’re A Giver

Do you find yourself over-promising in a sales call? People pleasers will over give samples, products, services, or short project timeframes in hopes of the other person reciprocating with praise or affection. It’s setting the people pleaser up for failure because their happiness is contingent on another person’s behavior. I’ve sat with women as they weep over clients that have given them a nasty review or even sued them because they overpromised or avoid conflict which ended up with all parties losing in the end. 

In my next article, we will discuss the costs + benefits of people-pleasing. 

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